Even though you are No longer here I still find my self doing things that was drummed in to me such as filling up the dishwasher and the cleanliness of the house as I still have the fear that your going to shout at me and tell me I’ve done it wtong! Sometimes I panic so much that when I have guests over I find myself tidying up before people have gone in fear of you taking it out on me when you bet home from work ….but I know deep down that your not coming back as I left you over 6 yrs ago and yet I see you every night in my nightmare as I look at this cold calis face staring down at me night in and out.
As I lay there I smell your aftershave even though these days I have forgotten what make you wear and yet I hear those words time after time as you threatened me with loosing my children if I was to talk out and reveal what was going on behind closed doors and when you told me that if I was to bring you down ….! You will bring me down further……!!
The day I finally spoke out and you were charged You did what you set out to do ….and you abused everyone and everything I had to live with the fact that both my children were with you ….THE PERPOTRATER …..! I ended up having to talk to someone who was just as NARCISSISTIC and now have to live with the fact that the family court said it didnt happen and yet the mental abuse is still going on as you knowing that if you hurt my child …..You will hurt me as I know it was never for the love of your children it was because of what you were charged for when you hurt me.
Each day my pain is internal and it eats me up as I see the sadness with in your child as he knows that his friends never ring anymore as when he/she lived with you …. you always put a hurdle in the way so that he/she wasn’t able to go out at all. You would isolate completely after you made sure that I had broken the only true friend our son/daughter ever had…..!
You made that beeeeeeeb of a social worker brake the one true friend ever made and I live with the fact that I made that phone call and watch his /her broken heart as the friend no longer wants to attempt to renew that friendship in fear of being hurt again….. so yep bullying tactics work don’t they as I try to put right yours and the courts failings.
I see the pain of our teens when you try and tear then from each other and yes it eats me up night and day just as when I see the heart ache of their great grandma who lives each day in hope to see her great grandchild knowing that between the stroke and the tumour ! She knows deep down that she will not see him/her again and yes it eats me up night and day.
it was the day of the unlawful removal that their great grandma had the first mini stroke but I blame myself for that too as it was after I sat at that carpark outside the school earlier than usual as my son /daughter was on a geography field trip and I waited for two hrs ……..!!!
I thought the coach had crashed but didn’t want to go into the school as my son/ daughter was fed up of being undermined by everyone at school and wanted to show that he/she was as self sufficient as pos…. so I waited and waited and waited . By this time I was so frightened then suddenly I get a phone call saying dont bother picking them up as we have them ……! The social services did not have an EPO and wasnt under police protection and yet I didn’t know where two of my children were for 4 days. When the youngest is safe and free I will name and shame the social wprker who helped a hospital manager whilst charged by CPS. (Abuse of position, legal aid, public sector and entire legal system….) The psychopath worked his charm acting as cool as a cucumber and could have won an Oscar for his performance along with the judge as she played with lives as the new law came out for rights for fathers…….!
I will never forget the pain you have and are still putting each one of them through even with out me in the picture you put our children through so much pain and have broken us all…… But yet I try to pick an entire legal systems failings along with other failings of professionals who were supposed to help not hinder… So lol as I get told by a judge and a doc it didn’t happen . The judge said I had gone out of my wat to override her judgment.
A doc who worked with my ex as I shouldn’t have yad to spoke to ….! A solicitor that gave out details in the court bundle a gp that spoke to a frien about the trial and it came back to me and through out all this it was historic ! We were married and he was CHARGED……!! The CPS do t charge for nothing so inbetween times I stick two fingers up at you all as WE WERE FAILD BY EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU…..!
So please dont look me in the eye and tell me I am making it up and nothing happened.
Perhaps if the ball was I the other court and it had of been your head up against the wall with a fist next to it perhaps you would like it if said NAAAAAA it didn’t happen………! So just remember before you judge me in the future you to are going to be judged but not by me but by GOD as he knows each one of your power trips ….. Yep each and every one of you will get your comeuppance and I will just walk away as I have lived my living hell just as our boy’s/girls have done through out all of this hell you are still putting them through . I’m sorry but its here where I rest my case and well one and all KARMA is a fine thing and so sorry if it involves you …
The moto is beyind all of this is before you say Naaaa it didn’t happen just look at the damage it coursed all of us each and everyone. All though these days the wheels are turnig and you are getting older and weaker but your so son/daughters are getting stronger and professionals I give you a tap on the back as each one of you helped place our children with the PERPOTRATOR !!!!!! Congratulations one and all but I will pick up each and every failing but I sit here with pain as I think about your comeuppance if not in this world then the next .. I will prey for you as you pay for your power trips .
NIGHT GOD BLESS for now and don’t worry as I will pick up your failings……..!